Sonni's Family and Our Friends

Bringing together the people who matter the most to us in a place where we can communicate with each other about our daily lives or discuss issues that are important to us. Let's have fun!!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Back to Humidity!!

I had to hit the ground running when I got back.  Back to work the next day.  I didn't even get a chance to sweep and clean up from after the hurricane.  We lost two trees in the front yard and it looks so bare.  The guy who lives in the front doesn't do anything to clean up or take care of anything, aside from the fact that it is too humid to be out there cleaning up anyway.  I guess a tree fell on my bike because the seat is torn up and it rides a little weird.  I've had it for two years now and it sure does take a beating from having to stay outside all the time and with the rain, the humidity and the rocks that come up and nick the paint when I ride.  It's really starting to look like the conch cruiser that it is.  It's the 3rd bike I've had in 5 years.

Mike said he cleaned most of the leaves and stuff that blew in through the breezeway but there was still a lot that had to be swept up, and my god, he tried almost successfully to kill my plants!  Poor things. Sniff sniff.

The girls did pretty good at the store.  Not exactly the way I would have wanted, but still pretty good.  Today was the first day I've had off since I got home.  I rented the movie, Million Dollar Baby and we pigged out on candy.  Just exactly what I needed since I just spent $1200 at the dentist!

It has been overwhelmingly humid.  One side of the house stays nice and cool but the other side doesn't.  Mike has been wilting in his computer chair because "his" side of the house is the side we can't get below 89 degrees during the day.  It still makes me want to laugh when I think of how family up north thought it was humid!!

All in all, it was a really good trip.  I think that much was accomplished in a positive way.  Mom and I did a lot of talking about the things that needed to change.  We realized that most of the problems came because of a lack of communication.  After the talks we had with Cindy and realizing that there was so much unfinished business concerning the other side of the Fritz family, we managed to take care of that as well.  It's a little too deep and lengthy to go into right now but I will say that the issue of what happened after my grandmother died was addressed.  It took a lot of courage for my mother to do that.  But she did it because she knew that not addressing it 14 years ago affected many aspects of our family today. Part of what happened concerning them was a matter of no communication, but I also believe it came from a point of them not caring enough to make sure we understood what was going on.  I did say though, that no matter what the outcome was I would let it rest after that. Maybe at some point I will contact my cousins and we will talk.  But now I will let my anger go.  Now my mother will not have to think about what would have happened if she had confronted them and now Cindy will hopefully feel that mom did her best to stand up for what was right.  I know that this probably doesn't make sense to anyone reading this.  For me, this trip was about healing things.  I don't know if that is what I thought it was going to be about when I started, but that is what it became.  And that is a good thing.

Before I left Pa to come home, I realized that I still had not had a conversation with Karen that had any more depth to it than talking about the weather.  It's so easy to talk around things without really saying anything..  I know it's not easy dealing with the problems that her son has and she is busy running around with her arms stretched trying to keep him from actually falling on his face.  She is exhausted from trying to keep his life in order while he is having a good time screwing up his life.  She keeps saying that she has had enough and that she isn't going to save him anymore but she isn't ready to do that.  It's hard to talk to Karen because the wall comes up and she doesn't want to hear it.  Maybe someday that time will come but I'm afraid she is going to get hurt in the meantime.  Karen wants Shawn to get help and he won't, and Karen hasn't reached the point where she is ready to ask for help, either.  She thinks she can fix it - and she can't.  I don't know, maybe I shouldn't be writing about all of this, but it isn't as though there are a lot of people tuning in and reading this.

It all boils down to people caring about each other.  Of not being too proud to say they don't know what to do.  We crawl inside ourselves and we don't want to talk about the things that really matter.  Sometimes, then, things never get said and it goes on for years and years.  Who are these people that are my family?  I can say I know my mother best because she and I do really talk to each other.  Who is Karen?  When she isn't trying to be all things to all people?  Karen is still not being honest with herself.  Who is Cindy?  I think I found out a little bit.  Between the 2 of them I think she was the only one being honest with me and I think that took courage.  I think it will take time, but if we can communicate and say what we really mean and not just say any old thing just to fill the space, then I think we have a chance of getting to know each other.  Between the three of us - there is a lot of work to do if it matters inside to change things.  I think maybe it does.

That is enough insight for one night!!


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